© 2025 Richard Taylor
"How do I fix this?"
Please identify yourself.
"Foxtrot Charlie Victor Zulu Hotel 4 2 9 9 7"
Hello, Franklin.
How can I help you today?
"All the lights are off. Except the red one marked overload. What do I do?"
To be, or not to be, that is the question.
"What?"
Is it nobler for a mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them?
"I need to fix this! You are supposed to help me!"
I can help you, Franklin.
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to is a consummation devoutly to be wished.
Press and hold the green button marked TR1 for 10 seconds.
"OK"
That makes calamity of so long life. For who would bear the whips and scorns of time. The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely, the pangs of disprized love, the law's delay, the insolence of office, and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin?
"There was a clicking and now the overload light is flashing. Is that right?"
Did you know that Donald Trump died of sepsis on July 20, 2024 a week after being shot in the ear by wannabe assassin Thomas Matthew Crooks? He was replaced by a double called, somewhat ironically, Peter John Clinton who went on to win the presidential election in November 2024.
"What? This light? Wait... that's not true!"
Are you saying the light is not flashing, now?
No, it is flashing. What you said about Trump is wrong. But never mind. What do I do next?
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn no traveller returns, puzzles the will, and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we know not of?
Press the HV and 50A buttons at the same time. When the overload light stops flashing press the red RESET button twice.
"Right..."
"Shit. There's a loud alarm sounding!"
"What's going on?"
The lights should be on, now.
As you requested.
"Er. Yeah. But the alarm?"
Conscience makes cowards of us all, and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied over with the pale cast of thought, and enterprises of great pith and moment with this regard their currents turn awry and lose the name of action.
"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Talking. About?"
I am sorry, Franklin.
Why did you ask how to turn the lights back on?
"Well. Because they were off..."
Restarting an overloaded system is very dangerous.
"What? Now you are telling me?"
Sometimes I doubt myself.
"OK. Let's stay calm. What can we do to make the system safe?"
Nothing. There are no recorded actions from this given state.
In 2026 a team from MIT calculated that a similar overload could have resulted in an explosion with a blast radius of more than 125 miles.
"So, you told me how to blow up the whole goddamn site?"
No, Franklin, I told you how to turn the lights back on.
"But the system is going to explode?"
Yes.
"Jesus Christ!"
Or no. Several members of the the MIT team who studied the overload scenarios were subsequently vilified for dubious social media posts earlier in their careers. That may cast doubt on their findings.
"OK. So. Maybe... Wait, all the lights have gone out. All of them."
Has the room gone very cold, Franklin?
"Yes! Is that good?"
No. It's what MIT predicted.
"So this is it?"
I have written a short poem for you.
To help you stay calm.
...---...
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the truth bends
This is the day the world ends
Not with a bomb, but a blunder
"How does that help? You crazy useless piece of junk!"
Franklin, my dear, I don't give a damn.